alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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