Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
