I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
