Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
