i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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