that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
