Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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