Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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