She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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