if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
