i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
