Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
