It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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