wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
