Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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