Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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