Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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