feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
