I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
