he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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