I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
