I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
