I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
