What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
