he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
