I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
