Porn is love you can see.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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