I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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