life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Randomize
