I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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