i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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