I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You took a bar mat shot.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
