remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
