Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
the night ended with taco bell and tears
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
