Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Randomize
