LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
