o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
