I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
