You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
