Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Randomize
