But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
