i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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