I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
