I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
His hands were made for my vagina.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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