well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
no, he came in my armpit
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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