My brain says no but my pants say off.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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