ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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