you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
