I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
