over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
