then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
