we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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