I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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