So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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