Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
being pregnant is like rehab
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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