Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
