..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
