wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
